The only question you have to ask about a man at a halfway house

To say that the population of a halfway house is diverse is putting it mildly.

In fact, outside of the common desire to recover, most residents have very little in common.  Addiction is an “equal opportunity” disease that cuts across all socio-economic classes, so it’s not surprising that our residents come in all shapes, sizes, and colors, and from all walks of life. Most of the time the only thing that this polycultural group shares in common is that they find themselves temporarily at the same halfway house.

Being the inherently stubborn and self-centered people that addicts usually are, conflicts can arise, and “buttin’ heads” is common. Pity the poor staff member who has to ride herd on this unruly bunch, and mediate the disputes that can arise, sometimes over the most trivial things.  I once observed that a small boxing ring in the back yard and two pairs of gloves would make an effective solution!

The house manager and I were discussing that sort of situation today on the front porch.  Of the twelve men in residence, all but one seemed to be willing to get along.  His attitude was so prickly that one or two of the new admissions had supposedly been scared away when they found themselves rooming with him, and the other residents were complaining about him. I was surprised to hear it, since my experience with him had been mostly positive. I reminded the manager that none of us might know what unknown things might bew stressing him out. “True,” he replied “but the house rules make it very plain that he has to cooperate with the other residents and staff, and I am just about ready to let him go.”

And he was right, the house rules make it very clear that you have to at least cooperate with the other people here, whether you like them or not.  After all, a halfway house is a peer community, with emphasis on the community.  “I don’t really understand it either,” the house manager said, “because he’s been here a while, and when he first got here, he was as good a resident as we ever had. It’s like he has some sort of death wish, and he’s just trying to get kicked out.”

At that point I had an “aha!” moment, because I’d seen similar situations many times before. Sometimes when a man feels in his heart that it really is time to leave the halfway house, he just can’t bring himself to simply say “Well, I’m done here, so goodbye and good luck ya’ll.” After all, there are no bars on the door – as our old director Ray used to remind us -- “The front door swings both ways, you walked in here through it and you can just as easily walk out of the same door.” But for some men, taking the direct responsibility for making that decision is too hard. Their behavior gets worse and worse until they are finally asked to leave. Sometimes it’s more comfortable to see yourself as a victim. Sometimes you have to make that decision for a man, he’s just not able to make it for himself.

So when do you need to do a man a favor, and let him go?  There’s a simple question you can use, the answer to which will tell you all that you need to know:

Is the house better off with him or without him?

Twelve Thousand Two Hundred and Twenty Five Reasons to Say “Thank You”

In an earlier blog I wrote “No halfway house can survive without the support of the community in which it sits.”  Nothing demonstrates this principle in  the case of Christian Fellowship Home better than the success of our annual Telethon fundraiser, held yesterday.

First our regional television station WHIG, is to be thanked for providing the production facility and air-time without which there would be no Telethon. Sandra Smith, owner and manager, and technical experts Edward Greene and Lee Pritchitt, went many times the extra mile.

Then our corporate sponsors: local businesses who make investments in the Telethon before it's any where near ready to go on the air. We gratefully thank Rocky Mount Engine Plant, Ivan Price Graphic Design, Turn-key Storage, Steve Felton at Ameriprise Financial, COECO Business Systems, John Hackney Agency, Stallings Oil Company, Eagle Transport, Don’s Body Shop, and E. Norman Davis.

The public face of our Telethon is the on-air host team, expertly led by Jean Almand Kitchin, who was joined by Ginny Mohrbutter, Amanda Bell, Lennette Britt, and Gus Tulloss. Some of our best faith-based community leadership served as guest hosts: including Bishop Shelton Daniel, and Pastors Jodie Wright, and Larry Curtis. Also donating time before the cameras were Tom Betts, Kim Hickerson, Joe Goarck, and Marva Scott.

You can't have a Telethon without a phone bank. Ours was manned by Denise Simon, Christy Skojec Taylor, and Gerald Warner -- all of Express Personnel -- who excitedly waved purple pom-poms and cheered every time a pledge call came in.  Back end financial work was capably manned by CFH Board members Vanessa Whitaker, and Rick and Sandra Thomason. 

Entertainment and talent interludes were provided by the Word Tabernacle Men’s Choir, Tiffany Hill, Terrapin’s Group, and the Sapony Creek band while current house resident Tony Williams performed Gospel selections as well as gave his testimony about being at the Men’s Home.

Thanks are also due to Men’s Home Manager Alton Lynn, and the current and former residents who shared their experiences both publicly and anonymously.

The result of all this effort by all of these people was astounding: pledges of support this year in the amount of $12,225.00, and a six year cumulative total raised from our Telethon of $81,990.00 And that’s a whole lot of reasons to be thankful about the generosity of our twin county community, twelve thousand two hundred and twenty five of ‘em, to be exact!

Will all of you who are drug addicts or alcoholics, please raise you hands?

Of course, I didn't expect a lot of you to raise your hands -- but if some of you did, please get up with me privately, as I may have some experience strength and hope that will perhaps be useful to you!

But I will bet one thing: I 'll bet that every one of you reading this knows somebody with that problem, maybe a family member, someone you worked with, a neighbor, somebody who goes to your church, someone you knew at school. That's how widespread the problem is. That's how pervasively it saturates our modern culture from top to bottom.

Those of us who work with addiction consider it an "Equal Opportunity" disease. Because it doesn't matter what family you were born into, it doesn't matter how much money you make, or how far you succeeded in school, or what color you are, what culture you embrace, or what side of the tracks you happened to be born on.

It takes courage, determination, treatment, luck, support, and help from the Almighty to successfully beat addiction. For forty years the halfway house at Christian Fellowship Home has been helping newly recovered men to beat the odds and lead productive lives. It doesn't succeed with all men, but it works for a lot of them. I know because I am one of those men.

From time to time our halfway house program reaches out to the world at large for contributions. This weekend will be one of those times as we broadcast our 6^th annual Telethon. The live, three hour show, carried on our local cable station WHIG TV, will feature testimonials from residents, endorsements from community leaders, and entertaining music featuring local talent. You can call in during the show and make a pledge, or use othe PayPal link on our website donations page, www.cfhrockymountnc.com, to make a contribution. 

No contribution is too small for us to appreciate. An $85 contribution for instance, will provide a whole week of complete support services for a newly admitted indigent resident. A $40 gift will allow us to take care of the co-pay to get a resident to the local clinic for emergency medical or dental services.  A $10 pledge will cover the generic cost of needed medications for men coming to us out of treatment centers and detox units. We are an IRS registered 501 (c) 3 charity, so your contributions are tax deductible, and our financial information is available to review on Guidestar.com at:

 http://www.guidestar.org/organizations/56-1218951/christian-felloship-home-nash-edgecombe-counties.aspx

Please consider helping us fulfill our mission of helping newly recovered substance abusers beat the odds and live productive, sober lives.